Personal Fall 2012 Semester Reflection
Academics this semester went well, but outside the classroom it was a wild ride. No, I'm not an alcoholic trying to go party every night, before you ask. That is definitely not what made this a wild semester. I much prefer to hang out with my friends to check out a new place or an event like a movie or concert, than to arrive at a house party to meet skanks and drunks. I've had my fun, but there is very little appeal to me from the party lifestyle. Most people wouldn't be this honest about this portion of the college experience. Why I would will be made clear very soon.
As far as what I have planned for the coming years at this school, I'm going to join the Outdoor adventures club next semester to meet people with similar interests. I might look further into founding a skateboarding club as well. We would make trips to visit local skate parks, film videos, and serve as a great overall social experience. Many of my friends really like the idea, because skateboarding on campus is still punishable and we simply wish to practice tricks in peace.
I've made some of the best friends I've had all my life here at CSUMB. I struggled with the realization that I'm very quick to open up my mouth, but continue to bottle up emotions. It's made me realize how accepting and tolerant some of my old friends were. As pathetic as it is, I've learned that I was originally accepted as a member of the 'popular' clique, but removed myself and consciously chose to be an outcast. This continued through high school and when I became aware of it during the fall semester, I was overwhelmed with shame. I came to the realization that my mind prefers solitude to work best, but hates every passing moment of it.
At the same time, the fact that I've rarely ever fully opened up to anyone has made me into a nervous wreck. I'm constantly anxious; there are few instances where I can relax. Once I recognize it, my mind goes back into that state of anxiety and I continue sweating, running fingers through my hair, rambling, or shaking. I've actually gotten used to this kind of behavior, as well as pushing people away. I've noticed that I tend to drop blunt, brutal truths from my mouth just to generate a reaction from the recipient. I'm not bragging about anything here; it's not even fun to write about this. But, I have become aware of these faults, among many others. My plan for the time I spend at CSUMB has been to improve my brainpower. I did so relatively well in the classroom, but this is what I've been working on simultaneously.
As far as what I have planned for the coming years at this school, I'm going to join the Outdoor adventures club next semester to meet people with similar interests. I might look further into founding a skateboarding club as well. We would make trips to visit local skate parks, film videos, and serve as a great overall social experience. Many of my friends really like the idea, because skateboarding on campus is still punishable and we simply wish to practice tricks in peace.
I've made some of the best friends I've had all my life here at CSUMB. I struggled with the realization that I'm very quick to open up my mouth, but continue to bottle up emotions. It's made me realize how accepting and tolerant some of my old friends were. As pathetic as it is, I've learned that I was originally accepted as a member of the 'popular' clique, but removed myself and consciously chose to be an outcast. This continued through high school and when I became aware of it during the fall semester, I was overwhelmed with shame. I came to the realization that my mind prefers solitude to work best, but hates every passing moment of it.
At the same time, the fact that I've rarely ever fully opened up to anyone has made me into a nervous wreck. I'm constantly anxious; there are few instances where I can relax. Once I recognize it, my mind goes back into that state of anxiety and I continue sweating, running fingers through my hair, rambling, or shaking. I've actually gotten used to this kind of behavior, as well as pushing people away. I've noticed that I tend to drop blunt, brutal truths from my mouth just to generate a reaction from the recipient. I'm not bragging about anything here; it's not even fun to write about this. But, I have become aware of these faults, among many others. My plan for the time I spend at CSUMB has been to improve my brainpower. I did so relatively well in the classroom, but this is what I've been working on simultaneously.